Happy Little Monsters

Last week the boys had their Christmas program at school. I was forewarned that over 300 people had RSVP’d which put me in a panic.

“Is that even safe with fire codes?” “Do you remember the little angel school story in chicago in the early 1900s?” “There is NO parking for that many people” “How am I going to feed these little people dinner, get them ready and back to school by myself?” “oh GOD, Asher please behave”

Put that on auto-repeat, and you have what went around and around in my head that whole day.

It ended up FINE! I spent the day nursing, showering, getting the boy’s clothes ironed, and making a baby nap. We picked up the boys, ate early and got to school early with Gramma. There were PLENTY of seats, so I picked out an “I-can-make-an-easy-exit-with-a-screaming-baby” aisle seat that was still close enough that my poor eyes could make out my children on stage.

Asher was a peach. (That’s not even sarcasm). I don’t know if it was the snowflake lights or the nice singing, but he didn’t even flinch. He didn’t even get fussy until after they were done and when I made my way to the exit, he was asleep by the time I hit the back of the gym. Everyone clap for Asher!!!

James wanted us to get him a babysitter because he was afraid, “Asher (was) going to embarrass” him by crying in front of the whole school. Poor boy. He later thanked his baby brother for being so good. With three kiddos, and one eternally in someone’s arms, we found it hard to take pictures, but here’s what was managed…

It takes a discerning eye, but all three boys are wearing matching ties! I made them all from one 0.60 thrifted tie!

Asher patiently waiting for the festivities to begin

I love that in the midst of all these grades getting onto the stage, James is the only one in this grainy shot looking at the audience!

Quinn is in the very front shielding  his eyes from what he later called “lights as bright as the sun.” Check out some of the expressions on these other kiddos faces- priceless!

We live by an awesome place called Phillips Park, which is run by our park district. I have gone there since I was little. It is a very small zoo, but you can tell the staff that work there really enjoy what they do and do their best to give the animals a nice home. AND they have an awesome playground area. AND it’s free!  High score for us!

Anyhow, we went to see Santa there at the visitor’s center because I avoid the mall like the plague. The very minute we walked in, Quinn refused to see Santa. In fact, the mastadon bones and teeth in the visitor’s center that he has seen 100 times suddenly became the most interesting thing in the world to see. So, no picture with Quinn this year!

You want your pizza dough turned into a “giant clam” when you’re not looking.

You want to take showers with sea creatures and find treasure chests in your sink.

You want to have the baby woken by dressed up banshees in the hallway.

You want to say things like, ” Were you trying to lick my hair?” (the answer will be yes) and “No one wants to smell your body.”

and the disco is here.

We don’t have anyone to watch Asher when I go back to work. NO ONE. I must with hold numerous details about why (and yes, me procrastinating is one of them) but I honestly feel sick about this. SICK

I have an “ad” on care.com and we interview someone tomorrow. I am so hopeful, and fearful. Would you trust this sweet little face with just anybody?

(That’s his “who, me?” face as he splashes half his bath water onto the kitchen floor)

I am once again rearranging furniture, cleaning and purging. Why?

“When I cannot bear outer pressures anymore, I begin to put order in my belongings…As if unable to organize and control my life. I seek to exert this on the world of objects.”

-Anais Nin, The Diary of Anais Nin

I honestly could NOT put it better, that is exactly what I do. If I’ve been re-arranging furniture, watch out. Something is brewing…

I was a tea party and dolls kind of girl. I climbed trees and all that, but even outside, I had tomato families to play house with. So, of course, this girl, the one who couldn’t leave her house in adulthood without make up on, should have three little pigs boys.

I live in a grade school frat house. At any given time, someone is naked, there is at least one pair of underwear visible to an unsuspecting visitor, and the volume is high enough to rival a toddler toy. Things were pseudo-under-control with the two boys, and then came Asher.

photo credit: Dawn Batchelor @ Live Laugh Photograph

Who said #3 would be a piece of cake? A roll with the punches kinda baby? Well, a lot of people told me that. oh we love this sweet baby. He coos and gurgles in conversation. He lets me sing any song that I want and even likes it. He already looks up to his big brothers, and seems to be highly tolerant to the noise level. But he is not, I repeat not, an easy baby.

Asher has been cursed with acid reflux like his momma. He is a zealous eater, slurping and gulping with a flair only a boy could have, and then it hits. A blech that should never be heard from an infant, followed by gas that makes him sound like a 40 year old overweight man on a fast food bender. Zantac has helped wonders with the reflux, but those other two issues, I think those are here to stay.

Asher hates the car. I don’t mean that he doesn’t care for it…He HATES it. It is his sworn enemy. I have never heard a baby cry like I have heard come from Asher in a car ride. and I have heard a lot of babies cry. Did I mention that I take his brothers to AND from school everyday? Poor baby. I’ve developed some sort of Pavlovian response to being in the car, where I dread it, or even the thought of having to put him in the car. It’s become painful for both of us. In an attempt to appease the prince, he has a mirror, an aquarium and a toy arch to view. It has made it better, unless he’s tired. Is he the only baby in the world that doesn’t like to sleep in the car?

Asher by three months:

• hates footie pajamas
• has smiled and laughed in his sleep since he was born
• can go from screaming to smiling in 2 seconds flat, faster if you put him in a warm bath. He has never cried during a bath, never ever.
• loves sleeping on his belly (yes, I know, I know)

• furrows his eyebrows like an old man

• smiles with his whole face
• does mini push ups
• has a fierce kick
• still has crazy hands when he’s tired (they really have a mind of their own
• has been known to pull his own hair
• only likes to sleep in his room
• is developing ticklish spots!
• looks very chubby with his double chin but is actually long and kinda skinny
• is the lightest out of all three boys but has the biggest feet

• loves to “stand” and do airplanes more than any baby I know
• loves shadows and Christmas lights to look at
• finally tolerates his swing for short amounts of time
• hangs onto his momma like a baby chimp when falling asleep
• loves to find a chunk of hair to grab onto also
• takes the bestest Instagram photos ever!

This baby boy kicks my butt on a daily basis, but he is oh-so worth it. and for the record, I got over not leaving the house without wearing make-up a long time ago.

So are we really doing this? Sure am. I can’t think of a better way to both keep track of the moments of our lives that we will surely forget in a year, and potentially embarrass the boys when they are older.

With Asher being 12 weeks old now, we both find ourselves comparing/ contrasting what he is doing with what James and Quinn did…and often can’t remember who did what and when and what worked when the baby was still screaming after one hour and you had nearly lost hearing in your right ear. Enter blogging.